“So sorry for your loss…”
Sympathy cards. Another necessary convention for the modern human to convey that they have genuine emotions. And it becomes another chance to demonstrate how mass-conveyance culture eerily dilutes any semblance of real caring or tenderness.
“Thinking of you…”
Our coworker’s mother died on Monday. He got the call at work. He had just participated in a bowling tournament to raise money for multiple sclerosis research. His mother had MS, but passed away from an infection.
Our coworker is a nice guy who reads a lot of webcomics at work. He has a beard, glasses and a deep voice. He sings in a regional choir. He often brings treats in for the office, goes to everyone’s birthday dinner and likes to join in to every conversation.
Because of the public nature of this blog or I guess the lack of artistic immunity due to writing neglect, I can’t mention the really distinctive features of this coworker and his relationship to the office. But I can praise him. I can say the nice things that fit in well with a sympathy card.
And I can definitely express how utterly unfair it is for nice people like him to go through this.
You’d think society would find a way to equip those kind of people for that kind of grief.
“You’re in our prayers.”
Jimmy Eat World - “Work”
Song’s been playing as a soundtrack to my confusing romances since junior year of high school.
All I can say
I should have said.
Like the sun we will live to rise
Like the sun we will live and die and then ignite again
Like the sun we will live to rise… again
So apparently the Avengers had a very important mission and that was to get Soundgarden back together.
Michelle Obama reaches for excellence and touches the Hokie Stone before walking out onto Lane Stadium at Virginia Tech commencement yesterday.
Hey, I’ve touched that.
The stone. I mean.
Miike Snow - “Silvia”
As your voice calls out for the coup de grace
And the lights go out
Will there be a trace
That I loved Silvia?
That I loved Silvia?
August 2006
I don’t remember if I tried driving on the highway, but if I did, it was briefly. My parents didn’t trust me to drive at 18. I think I veered onto a rumble strip and that freaked them out.
Honors weekend aside, I’d been in this area once before, but I can’t remember if it was before or after visiting Hillcrest. It was to film those videos with Andrew and Ben for Ownage Productions. One of them was a LOST parody. We only started watching LOST later in senior year, right?
Anyway, we were all headed down around the same time. My high school friends and I. I was at that phase of late teenage rebellion where I would have sooner had my parents leave so I could hang out with my friends. So I think I subconsciously started pushing them in that direction.
We ended up fighting at a Wal-Mart over something stupid like whether I needed three tubes of toothpaste. In fact, I’m sure that’s what it was. My dad and I got into a shouting match over him buying me too much toothpaste. I’ve been an idiot my whole life.
We had taken both cars down and when we got to my dorm, Main Campbell, he emptied my stuff out of it and drove back to the motel, leaving my mom, brother, and myself. Mom, pissed at all of us, but still too attached to leave me that night opted to sleep in my room. She and David shared the tiny twin-sized bunk bed above mine. What would become Bryce’s bed.
Without a fan and burning with rage, I didn’t sleep. I took my brand new Macbook Pro and took it to the small screen lounge in the early hours of the morning.
At about 5:30 in the morning, I was startled by shouting outside the Main Campbell windows. I peered out to see a processional of dudes running in workout uniform. The Corps was running laps around the Drillfield.
I went back to setting up my new computer. The Apple OS prompted me to name it.
I called it “Rajah,” because I was running OS X “Tiger” and I’ve always been an overgrown child.
Coldplay - “See You Soon”
It’s playlist restoring time. This song helped me when I was hit hard sophomore year of college and I hope it helps me now.
It’s been a week since I first felt the urge to hop on a bus and head to Knoxville, Tennessee.
The weather gets warmer, life starts changing and I get the itch to just run away. Or at least run toward something new. Unblemished.
After coming back from the Cellar with my friends, I felt the twitch again. My cursor hovering over the “Buy Tickets” button on the Meagbus site. To drop at least $100 on the need to travel, move. Escape.
I’ve been graduated for almost a year. But I’ve been stuck in Blacksburg. I say that as if I hadn’t planned on staying the whole time. As if I hadn’t hoped to keep hanging out with the same people from my college days.
I succeeded where I should have failed. I was a Communication major with little in the way of professional experience and yet I still have a sliver of financial security when many others had to move back in with their parents.
But I failed where I should have succeeded.
But I’ve been unable to keep from focusing on the part of my life that eluded my grasp. I obsess over the inevitable degrading of my personal relationships. And I’m afraid to grow up because growing up means a certain element of being alone.
The eastern philosophies I’ve been looking into say I finally have to get comfortable being alone.
I’ve never been comfortable being alone.
The challenge is that I’m a person that likes to connect. I like to help. And I thrive off of being central to something that benefits people’s lives. I’m a narcissist and I like to think I’m a narcissist for good. But to be a truly helpful person - a truly good person, you have to detach yourself more. You have to be at peace with being by yourself and letting others take credit and fulfill their stories.
Sometimes I feel like the only way to detach is to get on the road.
I get these urges in my heart to just travel for weeks on end and leave my friends, job, and town behind.
I got as far as Salem today. I think I’ll explore the town a bit. And I need to regroup. I’ve got work to do.
Last summer I found myself absolutely miserable and lost. Today I have direction. I know what I value in the people closest to me. In the people I wish were still close to me. In the people I’m getting to know. I’m finding myself.
And I commit to making this summer a turning point. No despair. No burdens. This is the start for me and everyone around me.
It’s time to do what I was put here to do.
Of Monsters and Men - “Little Talks”
Go, go, go away
I wish you’d disappear
All that’s left is a ghost of you
Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart
There’s nothing we can do
Just let me go, me against you
Now wait, wait, wait for me
Please hang around
I see you when I fall asleep
Hey!
Don’t listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
Because though the truth may vary
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore
